Hi! It’s my birthday 🙂
And 6 months. I know. I know. Let’s not talk about that please.
Well just as my blogging. I can’t remember the last time I was at the barber’s. sII jUU sInA pEsA smh. I know mmesikia mara nyingi but I still blame all my problems on this capitalist society. Still strongly believe hat as a country, hell as a Continent – if the woke in us Africans jumped out at that time, we stanned Karl Marx; and I swear we’d be on the moon rn. But noooooo, it just had to be-
Nope. I won’t go on because I still need a job and I’d slander prospective employers so….
you’re welcome capitalism!
So last week, I passed by the barbershop. Emphasis on passed by. And honestly I don’t know if this happens to me a lot but I always run into the barber who isn’t my barber but always wants to be my barber because he might be barbing my barber.
LIKE BREH every. single. time. I pita he always tries to get my attention. You know the usual ice-breakers: Habari ya nyumbani?, Wau na hakuna mvua siku hizi. And my all time favourite: Heh, hii economy lakini!
But I always remember this one time, think 2 years ago. Different guy. I intentionally showed I ignored him by texting no one- yeah don’t give me that face. I mean he asked for it. So as I go on typing into the calculator, he goes: Juzi nilikuwa kwa daktari. Akaniambia niko na high blood sugar. WHAT. Sasa unaona naenda surgery India. Kuna harambee inafanyika on the 24th –
I moved barbershops there and then. No turning back. Even though I left my barber there. ITS OKAY. I’LL JUST LET 8-4-4 SHAVE ME AS MY HAIR FALLS OFF FOR THIS DEGREE.
Speaking of barber, it took me some time before I found the perfect one; the ying to my yang; the sun to my moon, the poles to my earth, the moth to my flashlight (remember that wave that went on earlier this year?? that was intense)
So the first time I didn’t actually realise that I needed my own barber. Until that fateful day I’ll always remember vividly – when 12 year old me walked into the shop and pointed at number 12: I am not going to say what it was; listen it was a very confusing time- I was just at the threshold of puberty and a lot of bad decisions were made. And this one I am taking it TO THE GRAVE. OK FINE IT WAS FREAKING BLONDE CHRIS BROWN
I’M SORRY NOW I’LL HAVE TO K*S.
now that that’s off my chest.
Well the guy crafted his art to perfection. whew – and it worked for a solid 6 hours until when I finally went home and was ‘advised to stop that nonsense’. So here’s the crazy part (usually when someone says this, they’re just clutching onto straws. like i am hahahaahahahgivemeabreakhahaahahaha) , I go back to the shop and I don’t find him there. At first I was like ok fine, it was the night shift or whatever so he’ll be there tomorrow. But guess what, HE WASN’T FREAKING THERE. 3 days, 1 week, 3 weeks. Hell, I even went to school for a 3 month term and still, nada. So I ask around and he was apparently a fugitive ?!?!?!?!?!? He just came from Isiolo and he was stopping over at Nai before he went on to TZ or sth idk.
THE NERVE. I mean you come into my life for a day – a single day, make my mum start questioning God about my existence and then you just waltz away to another country. UGH MEN.
For two years I went all over Nairobi hoeing myself at all manner of shops for haircuts.
Until I finally landed this place. OH WOW. Spirit nilipakwa ilikuwa deluxe version whew. Nikapakwa exotic oils lol na kuoshwa and all – hadi nikapata head massage. HEAD MASSAGE. ??????? I believe it was from then that my broke ass self decided I’ll be leading an unnecessary expensive lifestyle yenye hainipeleki mbali.
I’m telling you I didn’t know how to act. The following week I came back for the HEAD MASSAGE (still in caps cause ?????????) and guess what. The place turned into a college. A MF BUSINESS TRAINING INSTITUTE. Like i-
I even entered the place thinking they pushed the shop to the back or they hid it in a kabati or something. Ai Nairobi!
Well the next place I went to is where I met the guy who had a harambee, where I found my barber xox. Then I moved again – and luckily I STILL FOUND MY GUY AHHHHHH
Apparently he also moved from there cause of the ‘hostile working environment’ lmaooo. It just had to be the harambee guy. Anyway, it’s all smooth sailing now when it comes to matters about my hair. It’s just me that I’m misbehaving smh.